spquotes

Cartman's Best

Kyle's Moms a B*tch in D-Minor

Cartman: "Weeelll, Kyle's mom's a bitch! She's a big fat bitch!
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!
She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch,
she's a bitch to all the boys and girls!"
Kyle: "Shut up Cartman!"
Mr. Hankey: "Howdy ho!"
Kyle: "Mr.Hankey!"
Cartman: "On Monday she's a bitch! On Tuesday she's a bitch! And
Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch! Then on Sunday just to
be different she's a super kinkamayamaya be--atch!"
Mr. Hankey: "Golly, that isn't very nice! I'd sure like to teach
him a lesson!"
Cartman: "Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom?
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a mean
ol' bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a
bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,
bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!!!
She's a stupid bitch. Kyle's mom's a bitch, yes she just a dirty bitch.
Kyle's mom's a bitchhhahhhh!!!

"Democrats piss me off."

"Well, you know, you'll just be sitting there minding your own business,
then they'll come in and crawl up your leg and start biting the inside of your ass.
And you'll be like, HEY! Get out my ass you stupid rainbows!"

"I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like,
HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!"

"Ok. That does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things
either going into or coming out of my ass?!"

"My mom said that if you want to become a lesbian, you have to lick carpet."

"Don't mind him, he's a very disturbed little boy."

"If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, HEY! Why don't you stop dressing
me up like a mailman while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex
with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed!"

"Why does this happen every month? It seems like right about the same time every
month, Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something, and I always end up
getting screwed by it!"

"My mom said there's a lot of black people in Africa."

"Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job or Kenny's dad would be a millionare!"

"I'm trying to make the best out of a bad situationI don't need to hear crap from a bunch
of hippie freaks living in denial! Screw you guys, I'm going home"

"Speaking of pounding ass, Here comes Stan's little homo dog"

"If some sissy chick tried to kick my ass I would say hey, missy, go knit me a sweater
before I slap you in the face!"

"Follow your dreams and you can reach your goals I'm living proof Beefcake...BEEFCAKE!"

"Hey, I am a cop and you will respect my authorita!"

"Hey! I'll kick you in the nnnuts!"

"That'll do pig"

"Why don't you go back to Endor you stupid wookie?"

"Dolphins, eskimos, who cares? It's all a bunch of tree hugging hippie crap anyway"

"Listen, I have a nice body and I want to show it off, you got that?"

"Laugh all you want I'm the one who's gonna be on TV Looking all buff"

"Check me out, I'm such a beefcake I can't even get through the door"

"If you call me piggy one more time I'm going to leap out of this chair and rip your goddamned nuts off...
With my bare hands!"

"My uncle says that smoking crack is kind of cool"

Cartman Rules!

Ned's Best

"Oh yeah, that's right. I don't think 8 year olds drink beer."

Terrence's Best

"I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that you're perfectly
healthy. The bad news is that you have cancer."

Kyle's Best

"Cartman, you're such a fat ass, that when you walk down the street, people go,
Goddammit! That's a big fat ass!"

"Well, I was just digging around, and I was all like DUDE! I found this triangle,
and my friends were like DUDE! And I was all DUDE!"

Mr. Garrison's Best

"I'm not gay you dumbass. I just act that way to get chicks."

"You need to hold the baby by the legs, not the head! What kind of sick weirdo are you?!"

"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."

Mr Hat´s Best

No, you go to hell, you go to hell and you die!

Random Character's Best

"If there are any questions, direct them to that brick wall over there."
~Network President

Big Gay Al's Best

"I'm super! Thanks for asking!"

Mr. Mackey's Best

"Right now, you're nuttier than Chinese Chicken salad, okay? I mean, you're
one screwed up little kid, do you understand?"

Stan's Best

"How do you know she has a cat?"

"But mom, I don't want a gay dog. I want a butch dog. I want a Rin-Tin-Tin."

Chef's Best

"You know what they say. You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks."

"Do what I do. Get 'em good and drunk."